hi friends and other visitors
this is dedicated to my life and breaking the loop
i thought of the idea for making this site at 2 am when i didn't feel all that great. i realize having this be a thing can be seen as kind of embarassing and may break the viewpoints that others may have of me, but i think it's much more important to prioritize my own well-being, and that being more open with others usually just leads to better stuff. as this is made to literally just type out my mind, don't expect quality writing or to be able to understand everything. i often come back to write things out in the middle of a paragraph like right now, so it can get confusing. is this something to get to know me? kind of, not really, it's really there to just show what i don't show. the actual way to get to know me is by talking to me. this is kind of a diary. kind of. is it there to grab attention? kind of! i didn't want to have myself return to the same thoughts over and over, so i wanted to be able to dump them somewhere. somewhere where people can see too. i don't want to hide that i am not doing well at times, and i especially don't want to deal with it by myself. it's a form of self-therapy. it's not rare that i have this phrase show up in my mind
i could think myself into suicide
i don't actually believe that i can do this, but it's the potential of my mindloop that makes me afraid for what may happen(?). i am a forgetful person. this does not pair well with anxiety and paranoia especially which leads me into the same depressive episodes over and over, killing my ability to pursue what i love at times and to have real confidence in myself. i cannot trust my thoughts with those who are close to me sometimes(maybe often times actually). this serves as a way to unapologetically spill my guts out. i have to often step back and think "do others think like this too? is this a normal thing to have?". i'm really clueless. if you know me and want to reach out, whether its' about you, me, or anything, please do so if you'd like.
loneliness x isolation = death
here is the wheel
